They met in the occult section, near the tarot cards and the Celtic magic books.
He was on his break, his year long break between goofing off and not doing anything. He was barefoot and dreadlocked, wearing second hand pants and just recently bathed, he had found a 2 day free pass to the local YMCA.
She was on the run, a thousand dimensions and a hundred years from her kingdom. She was well camouflaged in that beach town, straight blonde hair, wearing the school colors and a beautiful round face. She smelled like night blooming jasmine, she couldn’t help it.
Their eyes met and it was chaos magic at first sight. She knew she’d found her kingdom’s savior in ragged clothes like the prophecy said. He knew he’d found a bed for the night, maybe a sorority girl or trust fund grad student, a nubile sugar mamma.
They got coffee and chatted the night away, he still had $20 on a Starbucks gift certificate from his birthday and bought them both white chocolate raspberry scones and an espresso. As they talked about the state of the world she knew even more this was it, this was the man that would save her.
She called up her power animal to come to her from a dozen dimensions over.
He eased his cell phone out without seeming to, just to check the time, it was almost closing time.
They left together in her white ‘68 Volkswagen beetle. If he had looked closer he would have noticed she didn’t use any keys to start the car nor pressed on the accelerator to get them going.
As she drove the streets began to melt. He thought he was just having a flashback. Her heart beat faster for she feared her evil Uncle’s forces catch wind of them soon.
He looked at his hand and recited his favorite little rhyme to tell if he was sober, Lewis Carol’s ‘Jabberwocky’. He made it through the whole thing three times and suddenly shit was not cool anymore.
They stopped at the edge of the Emerald forest, branching green crystals scraped the sky. He rolled out of the car and puked all over the ground. As he stopped to wipe his mouth a dozen little things squirmed out of the ground and cleaned up his mess. This made him even sicker, but all he could do was gag.
She got out of the car, fully in her natural form with broad feathery antenna quivering, alert for the smallest scent from her Uncle’s forces. She walked over to her poor prince. He seemed sick, maybe it had been the dimensional travel. She tried to talk to him in his native language, but he ran away and impaled himself through the neck on a nearby crystal branch.
She held him as life faded out of his body. She cried out in frustration. She closed his eyes and put him on the ground. She took his flesh and made herself a costume. She walked into her ancestral lands hunched over like an old woman.
She’d been gone so long that this simple disguise was enough to get her past the palace guards and into her Uncle’s presence. She killed the evil bastard easily with a hidden dagger and claimed her rightful place as the queen on the following day.
He was on his break, his year long break between goofing off and not doing anything. He was barefoot and dreadlocked, wearing second hand pants and just recently bathed, he had found a 2 day free pass to the local YMCA.
She was on the run, a thousand dimensions and a hundred years from her kingdom. She was well camouflaged in that beach town, straight blonde hair, wearing the school colors and a beautiful round face. She smelled like night blooming jasmine, she couldn’t help it.
Their eyes met and it was chaos magic at first sight. She knew she’d found her kingdom’s savior in ragged clothes like the prophecy said. He knew he’d found a bed for the night, maybe a sorority girl or trust fund grad student, a nubile sugar mamma.
They got coffee and chatted the night away, he still had $20 on a Starbucks gift certificate from his birthday and bought them both white chocolate raspberry scones and an espresso. As they talked about the state of the world she knew even more this was it, this was the man that would save her.
She called up her power animal to come to her from a dozen dimensions over.
He eased his cell phone out without seeming to, just to check the time, it was almost closing time.
They left together in her white ‘68 Volkswagen beetle. If he had looked closer he would have noticed she didn’t use any keys to start the car nor pressed on the accelerator to get them going.
As she drove the streets began to melt. He thought he was just having a flashback. Her heart beat faster for she feared her evil Uncle’s forces catch wind of them soon.
He looked at his hand and recited his favorite little rhyme to tell if he was sober, Lewis Carol’s ‘Jabberwocky’. He made it through the whole thing three times and suddenly shit was not cool anymore.
They stopped at the edge of the Emerald forest, branching green crystals scraped the sky. He rolled out of the car and puked all over the ground. As he stopped to wipe his mouth a dozen little things squirmed out of the ground and cleaned up his mess. This made him even sicker, but all he could do was gag.
She got out of the car, fully in her natural form with broad feathery antenna quivering, alert for the smallest scent from her Uncle’s forces. She walked over to her poor prince. He seemed sick, maybe it had been the dimensional travel. She tried to talk to him in his native language, but he ran away and impaled himself through the neck on a nearby crystal branch.
She held him as life faded out of his body. She cried out in frustration. She closed his eyes and put him on the ground. She took his flesh and made herself a costume. She walked into her ancestral lands hunched over like an old woman.
She’d been gone so long that this simple disguise was enough to get her past the palace guards and into her Uncle’s presence. She killed the evil bastard easily with a hidden dagger and claimed her rightful place as the queen on the following day.
" He was barefoot and dreadlocked, wearing second hand pants and just recently bathed (he had found a 2 day free pass to the local YMCA)." >> put last clause in parethesis as it is sort of a secret, or an explanation as to why he had recently bathed -- a piece of information that is sort of 'oh, by the way'.
ReplyDelete"She was on the run, a thousand dimensions and a hundred years from her kingdom. She was well camouflaged in that beach town, straight blonde hair, wearing the school colors and a beautiful round face and she smelled like night blooming jasmine, -- she couldn’t help it." >> added and between round face and she smelled as it relieved the repetition of 3 sentences starting with she.
Their eyes met and it was chaos magic at first sight. >> chaos magic or magic chaos? or magical chaos??
"They got coffee and chatted the night away -- he still had $20 on a Starbucks gift certificate from his birthday and bought them both white chocolate raspberry scones and espressos [plural??} . As they talked about the state of the world, she knew even more this was it -- this was the man that would save her." >> added commas, dashes. should espresso be plural? and an espresso each?
"She called up her power animal to come to her from a dozen dimensions over. " Sure, fine, cool. but it is never mentioned again. Who/what is the power animal? how does it help her - what does it do? why is it only a dozen dimensions away when her world is a thousand? Surperfluous information unless you want it to remain a tantalizing mysterious clue.
"He thought he was just having a flashback." flashback to what? lsd? are you going to leave this to the reader's imagination?
"He made it through the whole thing three times and suddenly he realized this shit was not cool anymore." >> added he realized this
"She walked over to her poor prince: he seemed sick, maybe it had been the dimensional travel. She tried to talk to him in his native language, but he ran away and impaled himself through the neck on a nearby crystal branch." added semi-colon between prince and he seemed - breaks up the staccato of all the short sentences.
"She held him as life faded out of his body and cried out in frustration. She closed his eyes and put him on the ground; then she took his flesh and made herself a costume. She walked into her ancestral lands hunched over like an old woman." >> added and, and semi-colon to mix up the sentences that all start with "she" ... why is she hunched over like an old woman - provide a little more detail> is she hunched over because of the weight of the skin? Does the skin costume provide a particular disguise as an old woman?? and old woman-shaman? crumpet and raspberry jam seller? how does she so easily get into her Uncle's presence?